Feeling Tired and Run Down?

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Some days, I can wake up at 5 a.m., hit the gym, negotiate a lease in the morning, incorporate a new company in the afternoon, and demonstrate the rejuvenative powers of tequila all night. 

Other days, just answering an email feels like climbing Everest. 

What’s the difference? Energy. 

Or the lack of it.

I’ve always had ups and downs when it comes to personal energy. When I was a kid there were days I felt like cleaning my closet, and days when I just felt like lying in bed. I didn’t think anything of it. My closet was the envy of all the neighbourhood kids. 

As I grew older, the swings grew wilder. Weeks at a time of sleeping in until noon and missing classes at university. Staying awake for 72 hours straight to finish my engineering Masters thesis. I still didn’t think anything of it. I was the youngest Masters graduate from the University of British Columbia in a decade.

Eventually I spent six months maniacally spending money I didn’t have, pursuing a business that would lead to bankruptcy and divorce, followed by nine months of depression. 

Oh. Time to think something of it. 

That realization led me to discover I had bipolar disorder and on to a little pink pill called Lamotrigine that stabilized me and paved my way to a wonderful second marriage, the creation of generational wealth, and the beginnings of spiritual contentment.

I still have energy ups and downs, but they’re milder. It can be annoying though, so I try to optimize my life to create energy.

You can optimize for many things. Money. Freedom. Fame. Sleeping well at night. Great relationships. Learning the secrets of the universe.

But here’s one of those secrets. You can only optimize for one thing at a time. So I’ve chosen to optimize for energy, because as long as I have energy, I can achieve all the other things at my own pace. 

How do I optimize for energy? I get more sleep, I work out regularly, I eat well, and I spend some time having fun every day.

What do you optimize for?

Recently I found myself in a small energy down cycle. I didn’t feel like responding to emails and I was falling further and further behind on things that looked like work. 

I brought it up in a conversation with my therapist, Jenna. She asked me, “Is there anything you do that you always have energy for?”

I responded, “Well, I love taking my kids to their hockey games.”

“Even when you’re tired?” she asked.

I thought about it, and answered, “Yes, I’ve never had a problem getting motivated or getting out of bed if it’s for my kids.”

She smiled and said, “There’s your energy source.”

She helped me realize that over the past decade, the one thing I’ve never lacked energy for was doing things with my kids. Whether it was picking up my daughter to go see a movie after a long day at work, or getting up at 6am to drive to a hockey rink with my boys, there was never a moment when I was lying in bed, wishing I could sleep a little longer. It was always “Let’s go!”

When my daughter was born, one of the biggest fights my ex-wife and I ever had was about her feeling like I wasn’t doing enough to be a good father. My incendiary comment that set off the fight was, “I don’t want to be the best Dad in the world, I just want to be in the top 25%!” 

Yes, I actually talked like that.

So I’ve never thought of myself as a great Dad. But as I thought about my most recent decade and how much I’ve grown to love spending time with my kids, I realized that my attitude has changed. 

Top 25% isn’t good enough any more. Top 1% isn’t good enough, and the idea of comparing myself to other fathers is ludicrous anyway. 

I just want to be the best Dad I can be. 

I now prioritize time with my 29 year old daughter and 15 and 14 year old sons over almost anything. 

Being with my kids gives me energy. And Jenna explained, “You can draw on that energy for things not directly related to spending time with them.”

Going to the gym isn’t about looking good, it’s about taking care of myself so I’ll be around as my kids get older. 

Going to work isn’t about making money, it’s about creating financial security for my family.

Spending time with friends isn’t about partying, it’s about modeling behaviour that’s important for mental health and ongoing happiness. 

Presto. Infinite energy. 

A year ago I was writing a weekly newsletter and enjoying myself. I was also an investor in two restaurants that were breaking even and showing potential. 

Then the economy fell apart as high interest rates stopped people from going to bars and restaurants. At the same time my business partner and I had a falling out. I was the investor, and he was the operating partner — our split meant I either had to shut down two restaurants and take a $5 million loss, or learn how to operate them myself, just as they were starting to haemorrhage cash. 

I didn’t believe I had the energy to both write regularly and run a hospitality company with 100 employees. I was optimizing for energy. So I stopped writing and focused on making my restaurants profitable, in large part because my wife and kids asked me to at least give it a try.

It’s been a fun time. I’ve been learning a lot, building new relationships, and enjoying the world of hospitality. The restaurants aren’t profitable yet, but hey, Chik-fil-a wasn’t built in a day. 

I’ve missed writing though, and lately the urge to put fingers to keyboard has been getting stronger. I’ve been resisting, in the belief that I don’t have the energy for both being a CEO and writing. 

But I also believe in taking risks and trying new things. If I could just solve the energy problem.

Enter my offspring. 

Writing helps me crystalize my own thoughts into beliefs, making me a better person, and a better father. 

Writing is my passion, and doing what I love can’t help but model behavior that will help my kids decide what they want to do with their own lives. 

I have my energy source. Fingers to keyboard. Because when my kids read my words years from now, I want them to know who I was and what I did. 

And when they see me writing today, I want them to know who they can become and what they can do.

Which is just about anything.

With a little energy.

1. Check out my instagram reels to see what I’ve been up to the past few months

2. More about my bipolar disorder.

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