How to Be a Menace to Society

I’m a parent. I’m a menace to society. But I repeat myself.

Let me start in the middle. Racing through one red light, a slow left turn at another red light, then 140 km/h for 20 minutes on the highway, way above the speed limit. Relax, it’s 7:30 on Sunday morning, the roads are empty. That’s what I tell myself to make it ok.

I’m on a mission. My 12 year old son forgot a critical piece of hockey equipment. He can’t go on the ice if he doesn’t have it. How did he manage to forget his jockstrap? He’s a goalie, is this not the most important piece of equipment to protect his most important piece of equipment? Maybe he just doesn’t realize it yet. No, he’s hit puberty, it’s probably the only thing on his mind. And yet. There it isn’t.

Can’t buy a new one, stores aren’t open. I called the nanny to grab his forgotten innerwear from where she had carefully placed it outside his room so he would trip over it when he woke up. Didn’t work.

She and I both race to a midpoint between home and the hockey rink, she hands me the inners through her window and I speed back to the rink. I hit every green light, it’s an early Christmas miracle.

The coach meets me outside the rink a minute after I text ‘coming in hot’ and I toss him the gear. Twelve minutes to puck drop. Yeah baby! Plenty of time. I feel a little bad about the red lights, but better that my son will be able to play in the game, the semi-finals of a big tournament.

The funny part? The exact same thing happened three weeks ago at a different tournament. Different son. Different red lights. Same equipment. For gods sake when are these kids going to learn not to forget stuff? Hmm. Last week I forgot to put shampoo in my hair during a shower. Take a breath, relax. This is a learning opportunity.

When this happened three weeks ago, my older son was frantic. We got him the equipment in time, but he was so agitated that the coach put in the alternate goalie anyway. Younger son stayed calm, dressed quickly, went out and helped his team win the game. Score a point for remaining steady during a (mild) crisis. A half hour later, my heart is still racing, and nobody is even shooting pucks at me.

Seems I could learn a lesson from my son in this case. Relax, it’s just a movie. Don’t you read your own writing Sanjay?

We learn all sorts of systems as we go through life. We show up for games an hour before game time in case there’s traffic, or… somebody forgets their equipment. We learn to set alarms. We write reminders on post-it notes. We use todo lists and shared calendars. We learn to get and stay organized.

Last year I read the amazing Atomic Habits by James Clear and learned about stacking habits. I would regularly forget to take a particular medicine before going to bed, and so I had set a reminder on my phone. I clear all my active alerts before going to bed, but I was in bed when I did it, so quite often, about to go to sleep, I would see the reminder, and have to get back up to go to the bathroom to take the meds.

When I read about stacking habits, I changed my system to put my pill box where I keep my wallet when I change into nightclothes for sleep. Now, I always remember to take my medicine because I stacked the habit with another habit I already had. Systems.

Even reading Atomic Habits is part of a system I have to regularly read non-fiction. You become what you read. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. You are what you surround yourself with. Systems.

When my son makes a save, it isn’t the save that’s important. It’s the fact that he practices three times a week. It’s the systemic practice that makes him a good goalie, not some sudden reflex.

We also have systems to make the roadways safe for everyone. Don’t run red lights. Stay within spitting distance of the speed limit. Don’t text and drive. Mostly, they work. My system is to follow the rules of the road, most of the time, and try not to be too much of a menace to society the rest of the time.

That’s right, part of my system is to sometimes ignore the system. Everything in moderation, including moderation.

Today I got to be a minor hero in my son’s life instead of the more typical minor villain role. Today they won the semi-final, and later took home the championship trophy.

Today the systems worked. I’ll follow the rules tomorrow.

1. My article about how to relax when watching your kids hockey game.