Send this to Anyone You Know Who is Habitually Late

I was that guy. Five minutes became 15 minutes. I’d tell you I was almost there when I was just leaving. I’d lie about traffic back when everybody didn’t have Google Maps as a lie detector. It extended beyond being habitually late, I was a habitual liar, stretching the truth in all aspects of my life and communications. But it all started, and as it turned out, ended, with lying about the time.

I was 26 years old and working as a low level manager at a Fortune 500 Telecom company in Canada. One day I walked into a meeting with Marlene, the head of our media group — they did promotional videos for products. I liked her and respected the entire department because they did great work. I was 15 minutes late for the meeting because I was finishing off a spreadsheet for my boss, and didn’t want to lose time stopping and then restarting later.

As I settled into my seat to see the demo video she had produced, she stayed standing and gave me a dread-inspiring, “We need to talk.”

I had no idea what the issue was, and didn’t respond, so she continued, “This isn’t the first time you’ve been late.”

Oh come on it was only 15 minutes! I started to say, “Sorry, but…”

She cut me off. “You know what that tells me?” This time I kept my mouth shut.

She said, “It tells me that you think your time is more valuable than mine. Every time you are late, you’re telling everyone here that you’re important, and we are not. If you want us to continue working with you, you will show us the respect of not devaluing us before you even walk in the room.”

I was stunned. I was a rising star at the company. How dare she talk to me like this! But at the same time I didn’t actively think my time was more valuable. Is that really how I came across? Deep down I’m a people pleaser, I didn’t want her or anyone else to dislike me.

Thanks to Marlene, this was the precise moment I resolved to start being on time. To stop lying to others and to myself about what I was capable of or what I promised to do. I had recently read in Colin Powell’s biography that his secret to success was just one thing.

‘Do what you say you’re going to do.’

Doing what you say you’re going to do is the essence of professionalism. You don’t have to be superhuman to pull it off, because you can just as easily not say it as not do it. I apologized to Marlene and resolved to do better.

There were four specific tactics I used to get better with timing.

1. Decide beforehand what time you need to leave to be on time. When that time comes, drop everything and just leave.

2. The only way to be on time is to be early. Fight the urge to think ‘I’m going to be early, I have time to finish this or I have time to grab a coffee.’ No, you don’t.

3. If you want people to believe your time estimate, be extremely specific. Don’t say “I’ll be there in a half hour.” Say “I’ll be there in 35 minutes.”

4. Estimate high. Nobody cares if you’re early.

Years later I had a partner at a company we founded. He had a habit of telling his wife he’d be home at 6, and then leave the office at 6, calling her to say he’d be home in a few minutes, but in reality it would be 30 minutes.

I asked him, “Why don’t you lie to her just once instead of twice? She’s going to be disappointed anyway, why compound it?” For him, and for many others, a fight later is always better than a fight now. Have the fight now. It’s the inversion of the delay of gratification principle. You’ll be happier, everyone else will be happier.

Years later I was in a sales job and I had a voicemail (remember voicemail?) on my cellphone that said I would return any message left for me within four hours. I got a voicemail shortly after from a client asking, “How can you leave a message like this? Won’t you look bad if you don’t return the call in four hours?”

Calling him back 30 minutes later he asked me again, “How do you manage the expectations you’re setting?”

I replied, “I return the call within four hours.”

I’m not a miracle worker. What he didn’t know is that if I was having a busy day, I changed the outgoing message. There are two ways to do what you say you’re going to do. Do it. Or don’t say it.

I had a friend who told me he only had two problems with his girlfriend. That she was always late, and that when she cooked, she burned things.

I asked him, “You realize that’s only one thing right?”

Understand what you’re capable of. Get rid of the rose tinted glasses. If you’re hitting snooze, change the alarm time. Do what you say you’re going to do.

I’m not always perfect, and if I’ve been late to a meeting with you, I apologize. I don’t think my time is more valuable than yours. I’m a lot better now than before that moment with Marlene.

We all mess up sometimes. So when you get serious about this and make the change in your habits, tell people that you’ve resolved to be on time, and remind them of the commitment every time you are on time. Otherwise they’ll only remember the one time you’re late, confirming their perception of you.

And if you have someone in your life who is perpetually late. Tell them they’re devaluing your time and if they don’t stop, decide if you’re ok with the relationship under those terms.

Don’t devalue your time and don’t devalue the time of others. Make this the precise moment you stop being habitually late.

1. If you absolutely have to lie because you’re going to be late, use these tips.